Captain America

After my date with Peter (not his real name…again, protecting peoples identity), I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Peter actually wasn’t a bad date; he was well educated, short, bald…but, whatever, he had nice teeth. I think the part that threw me a little off was that he asked me, three times…in a row…if I was going to grow out my hair.

“Are you going to grow back out your hair?”

“No, I like it short”

“Oh, but, are you going to like…grow it back out?”

“No, it’s easier to take care of short”

“That’s cool, so is it going to get longer?”

Shorthair

…I had to take a slight pause before I responded so I didn’t sound like an asshole…

“Peter, are you going to grow back out your hair?” (winks with both eyes, take a sip of my drink with a smirk on my face)

“Touche, Jess, Touche”

I should have asked him if he was going to grow six inches taller.

I’ll admit, I drove him back to his car after our date, we made out, and it was awkward. He was wearing a hat, you know, to cover his bald head, and it kept hitting my forehead. I just kept saying to myself, “kiss me like you mean it, dammit!” dtrump

He asked me to text him when I got home which was sweet, and I did, but I didn’t text him back after he had texted me in the days following.

After my dates the last few weeks I really started to miss Jake. I think that my broken heart is not fully healed and going out with these short, sub-par guys only opened the wound. Like when you pick at a scab because you’re bored? So, what does one do? Well, go on another date, naturally.

I cancelled my Tinder account because that site is a terrible place for women and for men looking to meet and just have a relaxing, fun night…sans doin it with opposite sex. I kept my match.com account open for funsies even though I was hesitant. Anyway, Thursday night I was perusing through my matches and an attractive red headed fellow came through. ┬áHe reminded me of Tormund Giantsbane from Game of Thrones. How neat is that? I want someone to look at me the way Tormund looks at Brienne.

I digress.

I messaged Jordan on Friday and he messaged back. Usually the good looking ones don’t message back, so I was a bit surprised. After talking and exchanging phone numbers we decided to meet on a Saturday night. Which is weird, right? I went with it because I had no plans.

It was a hot Minnesota day, I played with Izzy and was reading ‘The Buddha Walks Into a Bar…a Guide to Life for a New Generation’ – Lodro Rinzler. It’s a good read. I recommend. Then I watched ‘A Few Good Men’ “You cant handle the truth! Son we live in a world that has walls, and those have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it you, you lieutenant Weinberg?” LOVE THAT MOVIE.

Anyway…

Jordan picked the place, a bar on the Mississippi in Inver Grove Heights. A little questionable because IGH always smells like pig feet but I agreed. I threw on a pair of white pants and a blue blouse, tousled the hair and threw on a pair of sandals. Spritzed myself with some delicious smelling Flower Bomb, applied some Kylie lip gloss and was out the door.

When I arrived at the destination I had a bit of a flash back because we were at my parents old marina where they docked their first boat. The marina really hasn’t changed in 15 years so the nostalgia of it was pleasant.

I waited for Jordan outside and I saw him walk up. He was about, oh 20 pounds heavier than his pictures. Which is fine but he also had two sleeves of tattoos; also fine, but you should probably denote that on your profile, because he only posted a picture of one arm with a tattoo on his shoulder.

He was wearing a black t-shirt, shorts and chucks. All fine. He was tall and had nice teeth, so I was good. We sat outside and service was sloooooooow. He ordered some kind of beer the lady ordered whiskey. He went on to tell me that was a special agent for Homeland Security. HELL YEAH! Ding, ding…we have a winner!

homeland

He was really awesome. He protected children from ass hole stalkers who took advantage of them on the internet…GO JORDAN! We sat, drank, ate nachos and talked for about four hours. Yes, I did talk about Jake and yes I did cry. This is why you don’t bring up the Ex-files on the first date.

I am not sure if we had ‘too’ long of a first date, but I have not heard from Jordan since. Too bad really. He was cool and tall…and fucking awesome.

You win some, you lose some.

JV