I was dumped eight days ago. Seems like forever. I worked out today and I just started bawling as I was doing donkey kicks. You know, that ugly cry. Headphones on; “you son- of- a-bitch, you said you loved me six fucking days ago!” Then I laid on my back and started laughing because I just thought that working out was supposed to release good endorphin’s; apparently it was just making me bi-polar.
I had a different blog many moons ago about the wonders of online dating. I looked back at it and laughed, but also remembered how awful online dating really is. I told my best friend the other night – NEVER AGAIN. Not ever. Never, ever.
There was a part in one of blog posts that is still very much apparent today…right now:
“In the dear, sweet, verdant land of 10,000 lakes, I’m slowly sharpening my belief that the smart, handsome, passionate, cultured, hilarious (without being mean), single thirtysomething Twin Citian gentleman is near dinosaur-like extinction. But, on the hopeful, sunshiny days (like today), I stay true to my belief that if I am patient, open, kind and smiling (I’ve been told I have a nice smile), I will one day tap my toes and Mr. Wonderful will be there at my beckoning – equipped for my neurotic personality and my hard to handle ways.”
I am tapping….where is he?!
What I am finding out about heartbreak is this; I am so desperate, so out of control that I am being forced to transform my life, and I am. My heart is literally breaking open so new light can get in. I am being torn apart so another layer can be reveled; a better layer. So, I am thankful for this heartbreak, because it was planned. It was planned to make me stronger and better, but I hope I never lose the bruises that were left behind.